I NEED A BAD GIRL
I have seen on TV and read in some newspapers some people thinking some words should be banned while others think banning words would offend the provisions of the constitution that guarantees freedom of speech. I have expressed my view in another article as to whether or not banning the “N” word would offer any kind of solution to the black people’s problems or should I say self esteem.
Just when I was getting done with the article a council woman in NY started advocating for a ban of the “B” word. I saw this on television and she was asked what I regarded a very appropriate question, “if you ban the word “bitch” what would you call a female dog?”
Shakespeare wondered in Romeo and Juliet “what’s in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet” in case this doesn’t make sense, I think it does, then let’s turn it around “what’s in a name? that which we call shit a rose would smell as bad. No matter what you choose to call something sweet or bad such things will retain their real essence.
Let’s take the “you are what you call yourself” example. Let us assume someone wants to take up a nickname and he decided to call himself Gorilla, would that make him or make him act like a Gorilla, essentially do all Gorillas act the same way, what makes a Gorilla a Gorilla?
Now to the power in the word philosophy: assuming someone has been diagnosed with a terminal disease for which there’s no cure, would saying he would live to be old make the person get to an old age, assuming such an individual is a teenager?
I am one of those who believe that you are what you are regardless of what people call you or you call yourself, nothing and no one can change your essence. I therefore have no problem with words and some of the bad words are just a mere distraction, at any rate who decides when a word is bad or good, words that are bad in one culture may mean direct opposite in another culture. If you are a Nigerian or close to one perhaps you have heard of the story of two friends, one visited the other’s village and it was time for introduction.
And talking of goal, life is not a roller coaster, that is one thing that we all will realize at one time or the other. Making it in life is most times not a matter of planning; just when you think you have everything wrapped up something jumps out of no where and mess up one’s plans, therefore not all goals will be realized.
I have seen people plan for old age only to die young and I have heard young girls dream of a family only for their hands not to be asked for in marriage. People talk of how many children they want to have ending up having none or more than envisaged. Life blows the whistle on us sometime or the other.
Human beings must play God, we want to have situations under our control we love that role despite the fact that we are quick to concede it to God, we proclaim leaving everything to God yet checkmating him every opportunity we have. When things are not going our ways we turn to God in prayer, submitting to his wills yet bending him to ours, thy will be done is a very strange concept when humans want something that they want God to help them with.
So with the concept of positive word and leaving everything to God in sight I go to the main focus of this article, what people call us, what we call ourselves and what we are, that being the first part, the second part is how we end up despite what we are called or what we call ourselves.
I love music, I have said that several times that some people must be bored hearing me say it, the reason why I’m saying it is because I know most music but do not really care that much about who sang them. Sometimes you are at the club and the DJ is playing all sort of music with view of getting people on the dance floor and no one is dancing, then he plays a music like “I want a bad bitch, yes, if you’re a bad bitch” and the dance floor suddenly become over populated. You see people, especially the women, jump on the dance floor in a jiffy, you then wonder if most women regard themselves as bad bitches.
Our parents, especially in Africa, for whatever reason failed and are still failing to educate children in terms of relationship and sex. As a matter of fact children are brought up to look at sex as a taboo, something that cannot be discussed and something that one must not indulge in. if your parents are religious, especially Christians and Muslims, then sex is a sure vehicle and direct highway to hell.
When a good girl gets married, she is supposed to obey her husband, take whatever he dishes out and recognize him as the lord and master of the house even when he isn’t man enough to deserve that position. She is expected to keep her composure when her husband is talking to or should I say talking at her. Worse case scenario, even when she is abused she is supposed to take whatever injuries she is afflicted with, be it physical, mental and if you believe in the spiritual then that one too.
Good girl is supposed to make sure, at whatever cost, that her marriage stands the test of time, even when the husband is a drunkard, a womanizer, adulterer; I guess you have to womanize to commit adultery, maybe we should treat that as one and the same. On top of that she is supposed to hold on even if he’s an abuser.
What is the rationale behind staying in a relationship that is not only killing you physically, mentally and if you are spiritual, spiritually too? The children, the golden children, children who must be shielded from the bad things that seem to be inherent in life, so they could turn out to be better people in future, after all, they are our future, leaders of tomorrow and we must bring them up to be leaders of tomorrow, not just leaders but worthy leaders.
If any of those children are female, they are to be brought up to be like their moms, accepting whatever their husbands dish out and the boys of course are supposed to take after daddies, the head of the family behaving as if the head is cut off.
Bad girls are girls that don’t really give a damn about conventional things. When they want a man they go after him, sometimes regardless of the fact that such men are married.
Bad girls are dressed to kill, showing off essential parts of the body, leaving little to the imagination. Bad girls drink, smoke and party like there’s no tomorrow, they are example of what a girl is not supposed to be.
Sexually, bad girls are well versed in the act and would do a whole lot of things with the man’s body that will make the good girls puke. Some bad girls are so bad that they have kids even before they are out of high school; they are not the kind of girls you would ask your daughter to look at as role models.
Ordinarily, the good girls having conducted themselves in a way that society dictates, by conforming to the rules as laid down by moral experts, are supposed to reap the fruits of their obedience by netting the best husbands in the market. But is that always the case?
I have seen bad girls have children that turned out to be every mom’s dream despite their mom’s short comings and I have seen the good girls give birth to the worst kind of specie that makes you wonder where they got them.
I have seen a bad girl net the most eligible bachelor in the market while the good girl clutch her bible and go to every service available at the church praying for a good husband. I have seen a good girl get married only to lose her man to the bad girl.
We fail to realize that we must live our lives according to what has been predestined regardless of how we turn out and definitely regardless of what we or other people perceive us to be, if you believe in destiny you could say there’s no changing it.
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts, …”
We sure love to leave everything to God but we intend to get it all back through prayers. I am not advocating for girls to be bad but then that depends on what you term bad. If you term being able to satisfy a man bad, if you term being confident about yourself and being sexual and erotic as bad then of course I would rather be with a bad girl. I am not also saying a bad girl gets it all or that she would make heaven but the decision as to who does and who doesn’t rest with God who I believe gave us all the organs that we possess for a reason and using it to the dictate of nature to me can not be bad. A little imagination in the bedroom won’t hurt anyone either.
If being bad is satisfying your partner, then I say be as bad as you can!
Just when I was getting done with the article a council woman in NY started advocating for a ban of the “B” word. I saw this on television and she was asked what I regarded a very appropriate question, “if you ban the word “bitch” what would you call a female dog?”
Shakespeare wondered in Romeo and Juliet “what’s in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet” in case this doesn’t make sense, I think it does, then let’s turn it around “what’s in a name? that which we call shit a rose would smell as bad. No matter what you choose to call something sweet or bad such things will retain their real essence.
This issue of names together with the philosophy of positive thinking is the reason why some people claim you are what you call yourself, some people believe so much in the positive thinking philosophy as well as power in spoken words. I am a realist and naturally do not believe in either of these two concepts and I will tell you why:
Let’s take the “you are what you call yourself” example. Let us assume someone wants to take up a nickname and he decided to call himself Gorilla, would that make him or make him act like a Gorilla, essentially do all Gorillas act the same way, what makes a Gorilla a Gorilla?
Now to the power in the word philosophy: assuming someone has been diagnosed with a terminal disease for which there’s no cure, would saying he would live to be old make the person get to an old age, assuming such an individual is a teenager?
I am one of those who believe that you are what you are regardless of what people call you or you call yourself, nothing and no one can change your essence. I therefore have no problem with words and some of the bad words are just a mere distraction, at any rate who decides when a word is bad or good, words that are bad in one culture may mean direct opposite in another culture. If you are a Nigerian or close to one perhaps you have heard of the story of two friends, one visited the other’s village and it was time for introduction.
In the normal Yoruba language a friend is “ore”, a cutlass is “ada” and one’s mom could be “iya” or “mama” etc. In the friend’s village a friend is “ota” which in normal Yoruba means “enemy and mom is “ada” which, like I said earlier, in normal Yoruba is “cutlass” You can imagine the friend’s horror when his friend said “ota mi de, ada mi da?” which in his own dialect means “my friend is here, where’s my mom” but which in normal Yoruba would translate to “my enemy is here, where’s my cutlass?”
I read about the power of the word in old Egyptian culture where it was claimed that a curse, which consist of spoken words, could remain potent for thousand of years. I am not approving or disapproving this assertion. To my mind intention is what matters most, and to me the most important thing is for one to keep one’s eyes on one’s goal and work tirelessly to achieve it or them, if you have goals that is.
And talking of goal, life is not a roller coaster, that is one thing that we all will realize at one time or the other. Making it in life is most times not a matter of planning; just when you think you have everything wrapped up something jumps out of no where and mess up one’s plans, therefore not all goals will be realized.
I have seen people plan for old age only to die young and I have heard young girls dream of a family only for their hands not to be asked for in marriage. People talk of how many children they want to have ending up having none or more than envisaged. Life blows the whistle on us sometime or the other.
Human beings must play God, we want to have situations under our control we love that role despite the fact that we are quick to concede it to God, we proclaim leaving everything to God yet checkmating him every opportunity we have. When things are not going our ways we turn to God in prayer, submitting to his wills yet bending him to ours, thy will be done is a very strange concept when humans want something that they want God to help them with.
So with the concept of positive word and leaving everything to God in sight I go to the main focus of this article, what people call us, what we call ourselves and what we are, that being the first part, the second part is how we end up despite what we are called or what we call ourselves.
I love music, I have said that several times that some people must be bored hearing me say it, the reason why I’m saying it is because I know most music but do not really care that much about who sang them. Sometimes you are at the club and the DJ is playing all sort of music with view of getting people on the dance floor and no one is dancing, then he plays a music like “I want a bad bitch, yes, if you’re a bad bitch” and the dance floor suddenly become over populated. You see people, especially the women, jump on the dance floor in a jiffy, you then wonder if most women regard themselves as bad bitches.
Our parents, especially in Africa, for whatever reason failed and are still failing to educate children in terms of relationship and sex. As a matter of fact children are brought up to look at sex as a taboo, something that cannot be discussed and something that one must not indulge in. if your parents are religious, especially Christians and Muslims, then sex is a sure vehicle and direct highway to hell.
These teachings are responsible for dismal performance of some women in the bedroom, labeling some sexual activities as being dirty, failing to get their partners to the desirable height. To some people, no matter how good you are, when you fail in that department you are expendable. Some people grow up to overcome this and of course they are the “bad girls”
The good girls are brought up to follow a certain pertain, they are expected to desist from certain things that are sure to mess up their lives. Good girls don’t drink, smoke or use drugs. Good girls don’t have sex until a man comes around and properly ask for their hands in marriage. Good girls don’t go running after men nor are they dressed like hookers or prostitutes or whores or whatever name you want to give to a profession that is said to be the oldest profession in the world.
When a good girl gets married, she is supposed to obey her husband, take whatever he dishes out and recognize him as the lord and master of the house even when he isn’t man enough to deserve that position. She is expected to keep her composure when her husband is talking to or should I say talking at her. Worse case scenario, even when she is abused she is supposed to take whatever injuries she is afflicted with, be it physical, mental and if you believe in the spiritual then that one too.
Good girl is supposed to make sure, at whatever cost, that her marriage stands the test of time, even when the husband is a drunkard, a womanizer, adulterer; I guess you have to womanize to commit adultery, maybe we should treat that as one and the same. On top of that she is supposed to hold on even if he’s an abuser.
What is the rationale behind staying in a relationship that is not only killing you physically, mentally and if you are spiritual, spiritually too? The children, the golden children, children who must be shielded from the bad things that seem to be inherent in life, so they could turn out to be better people in future, after all, they are our future, leaders of tomorrow and we must bring them up to be leaders of tomorrow, not just leaders but worthy leaders.
If any of those children are female, they are to be brought up to be like their moms, accepting whatever their husbands dish out and the boys of course are supposed to take after daddies, the head of the family behaving as if the head is cut off.
Bad girls are girls that don’t really give a damn about conventional things. When they want a man they go after him, sometimes regardless of the fact that such men are married.
Bad girls are dressed to kill, showing off essential parts of the body, leaving little to the imagination. Bad girls drink, smoke and party like there’s no tomorrow, they are example of what a girl is not supposed to be.
Sexually, bad girls are well versed in the act and would do a whole lot of things with the man’s body that will make the good girls puke. Some bad girls are so bad that they have kids even before they are out of high school; they are not the kind of girls you would ask your daughter to look at as role models.
Ordinarily, the good girls having conducted themselves in a way that society dictates, by conforming to the rules as laid down by moral experts, are supposed to reap the fruits of their obedience by netting the best husbands in the market. But is that always the case?
I have seen bad girls have children that turned out to be every mom’s dream despite their mom’s short comings and I have seen the good girls give birth to the worst kind of specie that makes you wonder where they got them.
I have seen a bad girl net the most eligible bachelor in the market while the good girl clutch her bible and go to every service available at the church praying for a good husband. I have seen a good girl get married only to lose her man to the bad girl.
We fail to realize that we must live our lives according to what has been predestined regardless of how we turn out and definitely regardless of what we or other people perceive us to be, if you believe in destiny you could say there’s no changing it.
Regardless of what we are called the ultimate decision maker is God and who is good and who is bad is according to his definition, not ours. He has written the book of our lives in conformity of which we just play our role as written, which is probably why Shakespeare said in “As You Like It”:
“All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts, …”
We sure love to leave everything to God but we intend to get it all back through prayers. I am not advocating for girls to be bad but then that depends on what you term bad. If you term being able to satisfy a man bad, if you term being confident about yourself and being sexual and erotic as bad then of course I would rather be with a bad girl. I am not also saying a bad girl gets it all or that she would make heaven but the decision as to who does and who doesn’t rest with God who I believe gave us all the organs that we possess for a reason and using it to the dictate of nature to me can not be bad. A little imagination in the bedroom won’t hurt anyone either.
If being bad is satisfying your partner, then I say be as bad as you can!
Comments
In response to the home page excerpt from ‘I Need A Bad Girl’:
Let’s work our way to the root of this issue. And keep in mind that what is done ‘in the name’ of God is rarely ‘of’ God. The cultures you mentioned, particularly African and/or Muslim (not to exclude many others) are historically male-dominated. In these cultures women are usually (whether currently or traditionally) considered second class citizens… subservient to men. Women are not only treated differently but taught differently… particularly in matters of sex. Women are taught that their only value and worth in this life is directly connected to a man and her ability to bear children. She is taught that her main goals in life are to marry a man to whom she will serve as an extended version of his mother… cooking, cleaning, etc., all leading to the ultimate goal of bearing children for him. If she fails to obtain a husband she will, at best, be scorned and ridiculed by her society. If she fails to bear children her fate is worse yet… her husband will have a moral, if not legal right to divorce her or take another woman to bear his children. You see, in truth, the woman has no real value at all… only in so much and as far as she is able to bear children. She is merely an instrument used to obtain children. She is taught that sex is a distasteful act that she must submit to in order to produce offspring for her husband. It is not something that should be enjoyed (lest she should seek to enjoy it with someone other than her husband) and it is definitely not something that should be discussed in any detail of the act itself (lest she should attempt to ‘explore’ it before or outside of marriage). Now the man in these cultures quickly learns his status in society is that of a king simply by virtue of being a man. He can do basically anything he wishes… particularly in matters of sex… in light of the fact that he is considered superior to a woman. It is not only acceptable but in many cases encouraged for a man to have as many sex partners as he wishes… not only before marriage, but in many instances, while married. In these cultures, although sex requires the presence of both man and woman, the act of sex and sexual pleasure is considered to be the sole right of the man alone. In fact, to these men women are nothing more than a vessel in which they can masturbate themselves (lest any of their sacred sperm should go to waste). Women are neither entitled to nor deserving of sexual pleasure. This message is carried out to the extreme in many African and/or Muslim cultures by literally cutting out a woman’s ability to experience any sexual pleasure at all. The so-called female ‘circumcision’ should be more accurately called female ‘mutilation’! This practice goes to the extent of not only cutting off the clitoris (the entire sexual pleasure center of a woman’s body), but indeed ‘digging’ out everything down to the last root nerve… in some cases even closing the entire vaginal opening with stitches (these women must be cut open to allow intercourse on the wedding night and stitched closed again afterwards to secure fidelity to the husband). It is usually done to little girls under the age of 5… without the benefit of any type of anesthetic. I could write, as many have, an entire book discussing the horrific details of these ‘traditional’ procedures… but I will not digress further. This all brings us to the root cause: MAN’S FEAR OF WOMAN’S SEXUALITY! This is the ancient and perpetuating cause of these women being uneducated, disinterested, and unable to ‘perform’ sexually. It is not enough for women to want to or try to break these traditional cultural practices. Men must take an active role in bringing these changes about. For instance, in cultures where little girls’ genitals are being mutilated (yes, even today), to not be mutilated would mean that no man would consider her fit for marriage. For a ‘modern’ man, these women may not be ideal sex partners because they just ‘lay there and take it’ as they were taught to do… but that will not usually stop him from ‘going back for seconds’ because, after all, HE got his sexual pleasure. But for a ‘modern’ woman, a man from this culture would not get a second chance to use her as an instrument of masturbation… providing her with no sexual pleasure at all! So don’t blame these women. If you have risen above your ancient, traditional, cultural ways and this is not how you want your woman to behave… have enough love and consideration to allow her to experience her own sexual pleasure and have enough understanding and patience to teach her what it is that you desire from her. And if you cannot do this… go find yourself a bad girl!!! But don’t forget… If you want ‘it’ done to you, you better be willing to do ‘it’ to her!
Posted by: JALVCO | August 23, 2007 05:03 PM
You seem to have limited your answer to African and Islamic cultures, Christianity teaches sexual pleasure?
Posted by: papa mi | August 23, 2007 06:28 PM